The Ides of My Love Life...

Well, what can I say? March has been one of the craziest months of my life.

In the early days of the month in which Cesar bought the farm, I called out Mr. Anonymous on his game. I asked where we were heading. He said we were just friends with benefits…whatever! I wouldn’t have been upset except that he said one thing wrong. ONE LITTLE THING! He said he thought we had already had that conversation, which, for the record, we did not.

The thing is, he KNEW we never finished that conversation and he lead me to believe that he was heading down the romantic path! We even spent Valentines Day together. AND it was his idea!! Who does that when they just want to be friends?!?! I even bought him presents (which, by the way, he got me NOTHING!) I feel so played and used. And now that we’re just “friends”, he’s always sick every time I invite him out!! He never calls me, not even to tell me he’s not coming out when we have plans! I’m starting to feel like now that I see through the lie, he doesn’t want me around anymore to call him out on his bullshit. Oh well, I see that game and I can play it better than any man!! (Secret update – he asked me to hang out next week. We’ll see if he actually comes out or gets sick 5 minutes before we’re supposed to meet! And yes, I could ditch him, but I’m so much hotter and better than that!)

So, what am I doing to keep this from happening to me again? Well, from now on, there will be a 3 month rule! A man must properly date me for 3 months to get into my skibbies. The thing is, I may just let Mr. Anonymous (and Mr. Anonymous only) slide….if I get desperate. (I mean, who doesn’t want love over sex…but who doesn’t want sex when they’re horny?!)

So, since the ides, I have been filling my time with friends old and new. I even went on a date with Metroman. Metroman is a very nice man, but not for me. He called me this obscene pet name like 3 days after our date and I just freaked out. He’s too high maintenance for me, anyway. He’s a great guy, but he’s not grungy and dirty. He’s clean and likes formal types of dance and probably reads poetry. He’s just not my type. Some women love that, but I don’t.

I need a rocker man - a man who’s a hardcore man and drinks Jim Beam right out of the bottle! I want a man who hates dancing, but loves to watch me shake my ass. I love a man who makes fun of me for my music taste, but thinks it’s adorable that I love what I love and am so dedicated to my 2 favorite bands. I like hardcore men – men who watch porn, love been, loud music and breast, and who’ll hold me like I’m the most precious, innocent woman in the world. A man who will let me cook for him, and sometimes cook for me (though, it’s almost always stake and usually, on the grill!). And man who’ll comfort me when I cry, because no hardcore-rocker man can resist a pretty girl’s tears. And a man, who when he’s sick, instantly turns into a baby and lets me take care of him (as long as neither of us EVER mention it to his friends).

Sigh. I love hardcore-rocker men. They make me happy! Hehe.

So now I’m just trying to enjoy my time being me. I’ve met and hung out with a whole bunch of new people. I’m stilly trying to be “friends” with Mr. Anonymous, and we’ll see if that works out. And I’m still holding on for my hardcore-rocker man who won’t puss out just because his ex got a new man! (Aw, burn!)

Till next month, girls!

Keep on dreaming of that perfect man….because I am…

Hearts,
…Joanna!

Pimpin Ain't Easy

But damn I do it well! I kid, I kid... but in all seriousness I AM taking on the nearly impossible task of simultaneously dating two men. I don't have any intentions on misleading these fine gentlemen at all. I am dating, seeing what's fresh and hot. Shopping around ain't a crime, is it?

The date with the Really Short Guy last night lasted for 6 hours! I might be slightly messed up in my head, but time flew and the margaritas kept flowing and picked up the entire bill which was over 100 dollars. High roller this man is, a real high roller. But I will state it right now, I am not after the money.

The other guy, Really Tall Guy, just got back from Miami from some house music convention, if there is such a thing. He's 29 but he still acts like he's 21... plus, my gut feeling is telling me he's a playboy. He is a VERY attractive man and I think he knows that. He called me today and I will probably call him tonight or tomorrow after, you know, making him wait a little bit first.

But you know, if I play my cards right I'll have the two guys falling for me in no time :) Then, the hardest decision, of course, will be choosing who to kick it with, so to speak.

If you're feeling like a pimp....
well, you know the rest.

-Jess

Checkin In Again..

Cause too much is happening!

Here's the quick break down:

1) Mr. 6'6 reappeared on the scene again after 2 weeks of not texting me. He says... "Hey, remember me? Let's hit up a damn club real soon!" Only if you're buying me drinks, honey.

2) Mohawk texts me regularly wanting to hang out. He is depressing and kind of self-conscious and I don't like him but I feel like he will hurt me if I don't hang out with him. Well, I'm kidding about the hurting me part... but he looks like deep inside he's a very disturbed man. I don't think I want to press my luck and go on a date with him. Of course, he goes to Heaven on a regular so if I deny him, Heaven will be AAAAWWWKWARD this week. But then again, I see Bears there all the time with his posse and I really don't give a flip about that.

3) After making out with Frat Boy this weekend, he implied that he wants to do it again... Now, Frat Boy's got the total package. Smart, funny, cute, yadda yadda, BUT he's in an open relationship with a girl, which basically means that she thinks that they're together but he wants an excuse to make out with girls on the side. I don't want to even touch that mess. It reeks of drama. I'm gonna keep it strictly friends with him. What happens on St. Patty's.... never gets revisited again, no matter how much fun it was.

4) I accidentally (long story, don't ask) agreed to go on a date with the Really Short Guy. Yikes!! He's a total sweetheart and I'd date him in a heartbeat if he was about 6 inches taller! Damn, how do I get out of this one?

Kisses!

-Jess

Back to Heaven

My God.. boys make me yawn. I don't know what it is that they need to possess to retain my attention, but the last 400 men definitely ain't got it.

Like, last night at Heaven this semi-attractive dude with a fauxhawk chatted me up, bought me a beer, whatever. The whole time I'm telling him something about grad school and out of the corner of my eye I am watching the dance floor and mentally rocking out to a song the band is playing. He's 25. Big deal. He's a mechanical engineer. Whatever. He makes more money than I do. Do I care? And so on and so forth. Total yawn fest. Plus he seems to be taking the whole engineers vs. architects rivalry WAY too seriously.

Not to mention that Fauxhawk turned out to be The Clingiest Man in the World. He called me twice right after I left Heaven around 2. I answered the second time and Yawnfest 2.0 resumed. He wants me to meet his cousins and cheer on Yuppie University on Friday at Heaven. Sounds like a great time! Of course, I COULD be out in the city with a handful of my buddies having the time of my life but who wants that when I can have Yawnfest 3.0. Quick, sign me up for that!

The World is My Buffet...

I'm having mixed feeling about the DJ. We're hitting it off so well on a friendship level and we've only known each other for a month. He's a breath of fresh air in comparison to a long line of douchebags who tend to line up at my door step. He's super fun, respectful, artistic, interesting, loves the same type of music I do (we always exchange new music jems that we find)... blah blah blah, you know? All that and a cherry on top.

BUT.

I am not sure if I'm attracted to him phisycally. Yes, he's cute. No, I don't overt my eyes in horror every time I see him. It's just that either a) I'm not ready to give up my single life which has been WAY too much fun, or b) I really like dating assholes and flakey mcflakensteins.

Tonight, Joanna, DJ and I are going out to a club and I know for a fact that DJ likes the Coat Check Girl there. I also know for a fact that I promised DJ I'd get him Coat Check Girl's number one of these days...

I mean, not that I'm hating but... Coat Check Girl ain't got nothing on me. Lordy, I just need to figure out what I want. The problem is: I'm not in any rush to do that. I am having way too much fun just rolling with it. And now that I got accepted into at least 1 (out of 8 that I applied to) Grad School, I feel like I need to focus my attention on my blossoming career and not even bother with serious relations with guys.

Life's a journey,

-Jess

We had the talk...

He wants to just be friends. That’s fine. But I think he still thinks he’s getting some. Well, maybe he is, but we’ll see. It will no longer be so freely given…though if I’m horny it might be. LOL!

Either way, I’m not so much broken hearted as my ego is bruised. Sigh! At least we are good friends and we do not have lover’s quarrels…because we would have had them, and they would have been horrible, as lover’s quarrels tend to be.

At least he is still my friend!

Such is life…

...it's Joanna time!

Celebrities Aren't Real

This post is regarding JT and his love triangle with ScarJo and Jessica Biel. Allegedly, he was dating them both at the same time and the two women had (finally) realized that and now want nothing to do with him. I say "DUH" to both of those girls. The dude just got out of a three year relationship, so obviously he's realizing he's single and a hottie and that he can have pretty much any woman he wants so that's exactly what he's doing. Homeboy's playing the field and I give him props for that.

Let's see, I've done the same thing. Granted I don't have JT's status, but I am pretty damn VIP in my own eyes and it comes through when you're confident about yourself. People begin to sense that you're the shit and gravitate towards that essence.

And to the girls I say, were you just born yesterday? Do you not realize it's not a good idea to get involved with a man who is newly single? Do you not know he's on a rebound and he's just trying to date every hot thing that falls in his lap, because he can?

Whatever, though. I am whole-heartedly on Justin's side. Simply because he makes damn good music, if for nothing else.

Can you make it hot for me?

-Jess

Let Me Put it in Terms You Can Understand..

My stupid ex sucks.
Now let's play a guessing game: which ex am i talking about?

TGIF, bitches,

-Jess