Recap

I'm running late.... no parking anywhere around the restaurant so I finally park a few blocks away and give him a buzz letting him know that I'm on my way.

That's okay. I'm being fashionably late. No worries.

Takes me a few minutes to find the restaurant.. It's tucked away on the second floor of an insignificant-looking building. The restaurant, on a contrary, is very modern looking, with slabs of glass spanning from its floors all the way up to the ceiling. The modern decor is almost too minimal and all the waiters and waitresses (and a hostess) are wearing dress shirts and sweatpants. Hmm... interesting combination. But then...

Wow. Is that really my date?
...
Wow.

An extremely attractive man in his early 20's sipping a drink instantly catches my eye. You know, the kind of man you eye up and down at a club and wish that he would come up and talk to you.

Wow. This is my date.

He turns around and notices me, smiles and we spit a few awkward first date greetings at each other, then he walks over to the hostess to let her know that we are finally here, but not before he says to me, "You look very nice by the way."

Damn, you have no idea how nice YOU look. Okay, shut up shut up shut up, Jess. Don't be a moron. I think you're blushing. Stop that.

We are seated in the back of the restaurant and as we engage in some conversation I feel the happy jittery feeling down in my stomach. I can't believe it. I'm actually excited and nervous. This guy is something else. He says to me that he thought this would be much more awkward since we only had one ten minute conversation at a bar last week. We don't know anything about each other and yet here we are, grinning at each other from across the table like fools.

After an absolutely enchanting dinner (yeah, enchanting... i can't believe i'm using this word either...) we head out for drinks to a Fancy Bar where as soon as I enter, the door girl asks me if I want to be in a Miss Fancy Bar contest. I politely decline but I mentally pat myself on the back because I know I'm impressing hmm.... let's call him Mr. Popular.

Now, to digress, I thought about what I want to call this guy in this blog. Mr. Frat Boy is already taken (he was a VP of intra-fraternal council at his college, that's why I thought of that), and besides it didn't really capture his essense fully. Like, my friend Frat Boy, he's just that a Frat Boy. But this guy is simply ________ (insert one of those gag inducing adjectives to describe amazing men here) Mr. Perfect was the second name that came to my mind, but I will withhold from using this name only because I withheld from gushing about Bears a few months back and I'm so glad I did cause he turned out to be a huge douchebag. But anywho.

I may not know how to read men AT ALL, but I'll tell ya this much, ladies - this man couldn't take his eyes off me. And while I'm sitting across from him, sipping my 16 dollar cosmo and look back at him, I think to myself:

I cannot find ANYTHING wrong with this guy. Gorgeous face, amazing body, smart as hell, funny beyond belief. You know, perfec.... okay okay, I'm rushing into things.

Our date ends at 1 because I have to leave "early" because I need to wake up early the next morning. We hug each other goodnight and then the next day.... he calls me. He had an amazing time, can't believe how smart and beautiful I am. Yadda Yadda.... I'm so totally falling for his bullshit it's not even funny. But, ladies..... what if.... it ISNT bullshit?

Oh boy, I'm in trouble.

Here's to a possibility of new beginnings,

-Jess

Carnival of Confusion

First off, Mr. Anonymous has been horribly affectionate lately. Well, horribly is the wrong word. It's actually rather nice, but I'm not sure where it comes from. I think what happened, and this is a long story short, but he did something, a friend and I got upset, friend and I decided to let bygones be bygones and now he's been rather friendly when it comes to me. Or maybe it's just that I'm the only friend who can hang at 3 in the afternoon of a Wednesday thanks to still not having found a job.

Oh well, I'm definitely NOT the one complaining!

So here's a funny little gem from the last time we went out. He went to take me too a movie and dinner and while out we saw a carnival was in town, so we stopped by to play some games, ride some rides and eat funnel cake. (BTW, riding carnival rides with a hot man is very fun. Every girl is always very jealous!)

So we're playing this game and the carnie asks if we're married, to which Mr. Anonymous INSTANTLY says no. And I laugh. So the carnie then asks if we're living together or dating, and we look at each other with no idea what to say, because, while we like each other and have fun together, this is never going any further than a Carrie/Mr. Big relationship on Sex and the City, and so we never know how to answer that question.....Until now.

Watching Mr. Anonymous get more and more red in face, and feeling myself flushing as well, I became frustrated and instantly blurted out: "We're divorced." Mr. Anonymous laughed and gave me a big hug, because it was truly funny. And then, to top it all off, while he was hugging me, I told the carnie that we were "illegally separated". Haha! I crack myself up.

The rest of the night was pretty fun and we had some great talks until very late in the night. This week, he and I will be going away. Where? Well, I can't say (because I know you'll all come running for my autograph and Mr. Anonymous likes his privacy, hehe!). But it should be fun, and I'm sure I'll have some blogging to do when I get back. Wink. Wink!

So until next week, boys and girls, enjoy this carnival we call life and keep on keeping on!

Hugs, Kisses and Funnel Cake!

~ Joanna!

I'll Cut to the Chase

Shorty - probably out of the picture in a few weeks or so. I'm not feeling as attracted to him any more and the feeling is gonna fade away even further until nothing is left. He's a great guy but, he wants to take it up a notch and I'm not ready for that. Too bad, cause he introduced me to almost all of his friends by now so I know he was serious about me and had good intentions. Sorry, Shorty. Nothing personal. I will still give you a few more chances... but I feel like at some point I just gotta move on.

Facebook Stalker - awesome guy, excellent friend. BUT, he's back with the Girl from Way Back again... and I can't wait for him. I'm not going to! He still flirts with me but from now on I will ignore the flirtations, let him focus his energy on his girl just like it should be, and remain friends and ONLY friends.

Why am I willing to let these men go so easily?

Because I met someone new. He's actually a friend of a friend of my friend G. He's sooooooo cute (and dare I say, looks a tiny bit like Steve-O. And that's a big, girly YAY right there), works full time at a very successful company, takes grad school classes at night, seems like a great guy all around. Yesterday, he asked me what kind of food I liked so he could pick a restaurant for our upcoming date. And, what do you know, he picked one of my fave spots in the city! That's a good, nay, a great sign. I will fill you in on the details after the date and until then...

Stay fresh and stay clean,

-Jess

The Saga Continues...

I'm in a bit of a pickle here. Case and point, here's a snippet of conversation between me and him today:

Shorty: you should have came over tonight

me: you should have invited me a little earlier

Shorty: you should have told me you wanted to

me: lol i didnt wanna invite myself over

Shorty: why not?

especially that im just chillin in... you are automatically welcome to come over

me: cause i mean its your place if you want me to come over you'll ask me

Shorty: my door.. and bed... are open 24/7 and then some for you

me: and bed huh

Shorty: hell yea

me: i see

Oh boy.

Meanwhile, earlier at work today, I was having a conversation about LOST the tv show with the Facebook Stalker, and get what he says to me, he says "Yeah the episode was good. Kate got almost naked so it was a good episode. Of course, I think you're hotter than her." I smile, how can I not? and we bullshit around for a few more minutes, and for some reason, I compare him to Sawyer. He says, "He comes up with more creative nicknames, like Freckles. Do you have freckles? Well it doesn't matter cause i'm gonna call you Freckles anyway."

So this is how this was born. He's Sawyer and I'm Freckles... and the only Jack on this island is Jack and Coke, which incidentally, we both happen to love.

From Stalkers to Friends

I would like to tell you all about my friend Facebook Stalker. Now, he randomly friended me on a social networking web site Facebook.com about 8 months ago and at first I was VERY reluctant to talk to him. But I figured, why not, we had a few friends in common and we graduated from the same university. However, our messages to each other were brief and cordial and I really was not interested in meeting this guy though he offered more than a few times.

A few months in, he added me on Gchat, and I, began talking to him more, getting to know him better. He continually surprised me with his unique sense of humor, upbeat and unpretentious attitude and that general effortless aura of coolness. I began messaging him first, sometimes as soon as I got into work. Seeing that I was giving off a strictly-friends vibe, Facebook Stalker began dating his friend, Girl from Way Back. We both became comfortable in our friendship and began asking each other for advice: I complained to him about the whatever drama or men de jour in my life, and he gave me excellent advice, and of course, vice versa.

I came to respect this man, respect him as a person. And he said I made it near the top of his unofficial "coolest girls" list somewhere between me telling him about my love for zombie movies and me jokingly comparing him to Peter Keating - a character from a book we both happen to love.

I am now starting to like him. Sure, things with Shorty are still going superbly, but at the end of the day... he and I are not going to end up together. The Stalker and I, on the other hand, well... I don't know what is going to happen. But the fact is, he's been able to hold my interest for a longer period of time than any other guy out there, and that, kids, counts for something.

For now, I'm gonna leave it alone and just see what happens as it happens. I am way too preoccupied with graduate school and work anyway.

Oh, baby, it's alright now, you ain't gotta flaunt for me
If we go and touch, you can still touch my love, it's free

-Jess


EDIT EDIT EDIT: They split last night... and guess who was the first person he IMed? Yours truly, ladies... yours truly. So, he's single and available and of course i'm not gonna jump right in there because who wants to be a rebound girl? But.... you know... oh, you KNOW

Don't date your friends...just sleep with them!

So, this is going to be a quicky...but lets just say that one night a short while ago, I got tipsy with my GoodBoy friend and kissed him. Dated him for 5 days and had to call it quits because he was trying to evangalize me. And not only that...I couldn't stop thinking of Mr. Anonymous! Gah! He's too much. He's not the stand up guy I thought he was...but he's too sexy to forget.

Why did God make such sexy and temping men? Why?

On the upside of everything (because I still have not found a new job to keep my fly) I've been losing weight and looking fabulous! (Thought it's probably all from this job and relationship stress!!!)

It's not easy being a heartbreaker, but someone's got to do it!

Broken Hearts and Crimson Wrists...

~Joanna

"My Friend Thinks You're So Cute..."

Though it was freezing out last night, I wore flip flops. I mean, come on, it's April. as far as I'm concerned it's almost summer time.

So since tonight will probably be a quiet night in with the fam, though DJ did plan on going somewhere... and if it's hip hop related, I just might ditch the fam... Anyway, I gotta update you on the weekend.

Last night I pre-pregamed at Shorty's apartment and he bought the most delicious food I've ever had from a restaurant nearby. So, Shorty tried to be all lovey dovey with me in front of his roomie, which kind of weirded me out. Like, PDA is okay but it's too boyfriendy/girlfriendy and when I hear the dreaded R-word (relationship) even mentioned... I run. BUT, with that being said, I had a lovely time at Shorty's.

I left around 9 to pregame at Glam Girl's place with my buddies DJ and Frat Boy. By the way, Glam Girl just happens to live 3 minutes away from Shorty's gorgeous gorgeous wonderful beautiful place (yeah, his place is probably the hottest in the city, and I'll be damned if I'm exaggerating). After that we took a cab to our usual dance spot, and DJ got really wasted (first time I saw him wasted actually). Perhaps, you recall the post where I told the story about DJ and the Coat Check Girl and how he has the hots for her. I, being the awesome helpful drunk friend that I was last night, was like, "DJ, for fuck's sake, just go up and get her number." He gave me some bullshit about how it would be awkward, blah blah. I take out a piece of paper, hand it to DJ and go "Give me your number." He complies and with that I go up to the Coat Check Girl and go "Hey, my friend over there thinks you're so cute and he's kind of shy but he wants to give you his number because he has the hots for you." She smiles and says "I like your friend too. " AND THEN GOES, "I'm kind of dating the Bartender (?!) and we're living together (?!?!) but we're breaking up soon (?!?!?!?!!!!) so yeah I'll give your friend DJ a call."

Damn is all I have to say. DJ sure knows how to pick 'em.

There were also some miscellaneous guys from the past who were contacting me last night, but it's not at all worth blogging about.

Notably, today Finkeldouche's friend (let's call him the Sidekick: he's a nice guy and we're on very friendly terms when we see each other out) invited me and my friend G to his 23-rd B-day party. I just pictured myself showing up and Finkeldouche being there as well... AWKWAAAAARDDD. What would he do, ignore me? Anyway, my point is this really really sucks cause Sidekick is a good guy and I'd be attending the festivities if it wasn't for King Douchebag I.

And this is why I'm hot,
I'm hot cause I'm fly...

-Jess

Late Night Check-In

Hey Ladies,

you know how we've been saying gorgeous this gorgeous that... but you don't really KNOW gorgeous until you find that one (or three) right person and for me... it's this man.
He's not the epitome of class, but he's fun, clearly doesn't give a damn, cute, controversial, insane, a true wild boy. I'm sold. Gimme gimme gimme some Steve-O! He can be hella sexy when he wants to, but his sexiness is not a means to an end.

Oh yeah, I know... the "lady" next to him needs to go.




I am also making a collage of the men of Hollywood which i may or may not feature on this site. Stay tuned.

Oh and let's just say that I don't watch Wildboyz for the stunts...

-Jess

Heaven Was Not As Good...

Because every douche in the world decided to show up. Let's see if I can list them all:

-Jersey Guy
-Car Guy
-Clingy Guy
-King Douchebag I aka Finkeldouche

Seriously, everywhere I looked another idiot would catch my eye. And don't even get me started on Finkeldouche... Calling him King Douchebag I is an understatement, to say the least. The drinks and the conversation were good, it's the army of douches that really ruined it for me. Congratulations, assholes.

Last night I realized that sometimes even the Big City can be the smallest town on Earth. And sometimes even Heaven doesn't quite live up to the expectations.

I'll be back soon with a much happier post, I promise.

-Jess

I heart stealing Jess' ideas!

I saw Jess wrote about her phone personality, and I just had to do it too! Here's what mine said:

Motorola: Fashion conscious / Under 24 / Fun seekers / Individualistic

Well, it's nice to know I'm hot, young, fun and unique! I hope you hotties are all too!


Blowin' up the cell...

...Joanna

You shouldn't marry for money unless you are very broke!

Well, not much on the love front, but I have some big news. I lost my job. I was laid off due to lack of work and am now struggling to find new employment. It shouldn't be hard. I'm a hard worker, with good skills and a likeable personality. But in the meantime, how am I stupposed to stay fly and pimp without any cash coming in?! I'm screwed!

In other news, Jess and I have come up with the perfect plan! I'm going to meet the lead singer of Fall Out Boy (SOME HOW?!) and force him to fall in love with me through my beauty and charms! Then, he'll introduce Jess to the lead singer of Gym Class Heros. She'll do the like to him, and we'll marry them both! Then we'll happily ever after living the rock star life while having husband-sanctioned affairs with georgous men the likes of Justin, Timbaland, the back up dancers for Christina Agulara, Jake Gillenhall, and many, MANY more!

Let's not forget our bigger brothers out there! To all the Chunky Chunks of the world: we love you long time!


Till next time, girls...keep your fingers crossed that love and money come my way...

... (a very broke) Joanna

Cupid's Chokehold

This weekend has been one of the most insane and outrageous of my entire life. It all started on Thursday with seeing JT in concert. Well, during the concert, Timbaland came out on stage (I was soooo psyched!) and did a whole set of awesome song mixes. Next day my good friend DJ did me the honor of hooking me up with the entire album even though it's not on sale yet. Way to go, love!

Friday. Friday, friday, friday... It's funny... it's taking me so long to remember what I did on Friday because this whole weekend has been a one long perfect blur. Nevertheless, on Friday we went to see this DJ (not my DJ) at the Gay Club. I have never seen one place that was soooo full of hipsters. There was this one absolutely gorgeous, hot, incredibly sexy gay man. Of course, he was there with his BOYFRIEND. Figures, right?

On Saturday, we went to the Exclusive Club that was open til 4 in the A.M. It was pretty much insane. The Frat Boy went with us and since we pregamed before the club (the admissions was extremely pricey and we didn't want to spend tons of money on drinks), he was smashed beyond belief when we walked into the club. Well, when Frat Boy gets drunk, he's all over EVERY GIRL HE SEES. Last time, we made out on the dance floor, but like I said before, that was done and over with. I am not revisiting that situation again. Well, needless to say, Frat Boy asks me if I want to dance so he can be all over me. I, ever so gently, place my hand on his shoulder and say, "Honey, I don't feel like dancing right now. You are ruining my game." I was, of course, half joking when I said that, but frankly, he was getting on my nerves, because yeah there were some cuties around that I wanted to talk to and yeah Frat Boy was kind of cock blocking.

Sunday, I had the second date with the Really Short Guy, aka Shorty. We went to some bar and knocked back a few and then headed over to his place for some movie watching. Okay. This is the part where I mention that Shorty has THE PERFECT APARTMENT. I mean, I would kill for that place. The view of the Big City was amazing. The lights, the skyline, everyting was perfect, as was the guy I was with. Why the hell is he short? That's his ONLY shortcoming. That, and his roommate. He's a total drama queen, but more on that later.

So we ended up watching Pirates of the Caribbean, Hollywoodland (where we totally missed the whole point of the movie), and a bit of Havoc which is just simply a hot piece of ass of a movie. I called it a night around 11:30 when I was like, "Shit, I really need to get SOME sleep before the work week starts." I really hope he fucks this up somehow.... I am falling for him a little bit. Just a little bit.

And finally, this is totally unrelated but here is what my cell phone says about me, apparently:
Samsung: Young women, career focused, success driven, fun seekers
Celebrities who have one: Leonardo DiCaprio, Allison Janney

Okay, that pretty much sums me up.

Call it love, or whatever you call it,
but everywhere I go I keep his picture in my wallet.

-Jess

Lest I Be the April Fool...

So I was watching the Today show the other day and apparently, we are not the only girls out there struggling to make some sense of this dating thing through public sharing! Apparently, there is a mass amount of blogs and vlogs out there that document the wonderful world of dating through a woman’s eyes.

They warned that it can come back to haunt you if you trash talk a man online. Well, that, my dears, is why ALLLLLLLL names have been changed! Even ours. You will never know us by name, where we live or who we’re really dating. Though I promise you, we’re not making any of this stuff up. It’s too crazy to be something dreamed up! Hehe!

So, today is April Fools day, but it is yet to be seen who the April Fool will be. I hope it will not be me, though I fear it may. You see, tonight, as friends only, Mr. Anonymous and I are supposed to be seeing a movie. The thing is, the last few times I have invited him to hang out with me in a non-date like situation (so as to make things more comfortable), he has ditched me, last moment. Sometimes, he does not even call. The one time, I called him 5 minutes before he was supposed to meet me to ask him a totally unrelated question, and he said he couldn’t come out. He wasn’t in the mood. C’mon! That’s so lame!! (And I’m sorry if I’ve already told you this, but I wanted to make sure everyone gets the point that Mr. Anonymous has turned into a Flaky McFlakerstein!)

Well, I have a feeling tonight will be a go, because 1) it was his idea, and 2) it’s not a club or a bar, it’s just a simple movie. But we’ll see! It is April Fools day, is it not? I just hope I’m not the one with 2 tickets and 1 broken heart. I mean, I know this isn’t a date, but friends can break your heart too! And while I’m not the best friend ever, my fear here is real and I’m not going to deny myself my true feelings. Have to be true to yourself first and foremost.

Let’s just hope I can keep my hormones in check, because while I know we’re just friends, that was never how I wanted things to turn out.

Oh well.

Happy April Fools!

…Joanna